I Dun A Ba-a-ad Thing...

Homelessness for Stupid People

The foibles of the most pampered homeless population in the Bay Area...

I went over to a friend's home yesterday evening to pick up the bike he wanted to donate to the Serve the City Project. That's Cornerstone Church's homeless mission, by the way. Walked there, rode it back. It was in pretty good shape, though needed some adjustment on the deraileurs, but mostly very nice. I stashed my own wheels and rode that to Vineyard Christian Fellowship this morning. Before you call me on this: Damnit Christian, you said you weren't going to get to Vineyard anymore! You're working! Well... my bad... I still have my job, but it's Tuesday through Saturday and I when I wrote “To Take a Shower” I wasn't aware of that... even so, the issue there was mostly about guys who work and simply cannot get to showers at all. But I digress.

Anyway, I hadn't been at Vineyard for some time, and it was nice to see a lot of the folks there.

K-Mark (Mark with a K...), Denny, Annie, Quiet Max...

Quiet Max is a young kid who is very quiet. Lot of experience behind those dark eyes. He's a guy who's story I'd like to hear someday. He's seeing the daughter of a friend of mine, Vince. Haven't seen Vince in a while, but Max tells me he's doing just fine where he's at. Vince's Daughter, and Max's GF is this pretty little fireball of a girl, exactly the opposite of Max. Though, like a lot of young homeless, they're very guarded, and take a lot of time to trust people. Smart, actually. I think I've mentioned that.

Bicycle Brian was there this morning as well. He was working on different people's bikes, and did take a look at the one I brought in for my friend. Some of the good news happening there is that Brian and Mickey Kundert (the bosslady of this mission) are getting together to make Brian's services available weekly on Mondays. Brian would be working on donated bikes (which often are in pretty bad shape) and doing some of the maintenance on those in use that need it... of which there are lots! Brian made a point of mentioning he'd need a spot for his parts-stash. That looks like it'll come together.

And guess what, everyone there this morning was on their best behaviour! Well... almost everyone... everyone that is, except... ME... :)

I arrived just after seven, walked in the door, and Rick (Mickey's husband) was there by himself. The tables and chairs weren't set up yet, so I began digging them out just as John arrived, and he started grabbing stuff and the three of us set up.

So I asked “What... no Princess Paul today?”

“Oh, he's in the Shower already...” Shower Nazi Doug told me. Go figure. Shower Nazi Doug had been setting up the towels and other hygiene paraphernalia for the multitudes that would arrive today (I didn't do a count, but by the time I left just after ten, it looked like the shower list had about fifty on it).

Princess Paul was already in the shower. Had to be first, didn't bother helping Rick set up... but that's Paul.

I grabbed a napkin and scrawled on it “Reserved for Princess Paul” and placed it on his customary seat... and continued to help out...

I met Paul for the first time in December of last year when he showed up at the Warming Centre. He was talkative with everyone, expressing opinions mostly, talking conspiracy. It wasn't long before he began telling Bob and Donna McKenzie the things they should be doing. In fact, there wasn't a volunteer who met him to whom Paul didn't express an opinion on how things could be made better. He'd never, of course, bother acting on these things, showing people how things could be better, but he certainly knew what he was talking about, and made that perfectly clear.

I've mentioned this before, but I'll do it again. At the Warming Centre, after Lights Out, you don't move around, you stay at your sleeping station, try and sleep, unless you need to use the bathroom. You don't talk, you don't eat. Snoring, however, is a fact of life. You live with it.

Paul would get up, walk around, sit in a chair and stare at people... can't tell you how creepy this was.

He also built a gloriously thick bed. I have no clue how many blankets, mattresses and sleeping bags he'd stack up, but the bed he made reminded everyone so much of the Princess and the Pea fairy tale that he earned his nickname: Princess Paul.

When Paul started waking people up for snoring, that was when he alienated everyone. He shook me awake once (only once for me, but others got it several times). The most egregious incident was when he woke Frank up twice in one night. Frank works 10-14 hour days. Paul was finished after that. If he had not disappeared he'd have been told to leave.

But in the last few months his presence has been a reminder of past annoyances... well, his presence and his lack of effort and sense of entitlement...

So I left that little note on his chair... my bad... smack me, beat me up... I simply could not help it...

When he came out of the shower, he arrived at his chair, found the Napkin-Placard and lost it! He crumpled it up, and threw it at me.

Now, I can't remember precisely what it was he said, but the fury in his eyes was evident.

Yes, I laughed. I found this very funny. And you know, Princess, if you would grow a sense of humour...

Have I mentioned I don't trust anyone who can't laugh at themselves?

Yes, I was a very, very bad boy this morning... I'm sooo (not) sorry...